Slice and Dice
by Schizzar
Summary: Under no circumstances is Sirius allowed in the kitchen. Apparently, that rule needs some enforcing. Copious amounts of fluff ahead. You have been warned.


**Late one night, I had a conversation with a friend about Remus and Sirius. It was decided that Sirius must not be allowed in the kitchen due to how he would undoubtedly slice and dice things that were not meant to be sliced and diced. This is the result. **

Remus opened the door to the apartment he shared with Sirius, stopping when he was greeted by a most peculiar setting. It was silent, which was odd given how much noise Sirius tended to make just by existing.

"Sirius?"

"In the kitchen!

The words had Remus sprinting out of the entryway, not caring that he had forgotten to take off his shoes before moving across the carpet, and rounding the corner into the small kitchenette. "OUT! OF! THE KITCHEN!"

Sirius's mop of black hair had flecks of whip cream in it, and when he turned to look at Remus, a few drops splattered off onto the werewolf's face. The front of the apron Sirius was wearing was covered in who knew what, and he was holding a very, _very_ sharp knife carelessly in one hand. It was enough to make the poor werewolf's heart stop.

"Put that down!"

Sirius put his tongue out as if to lick the knife and divest it of its cream covered goodness, freezing with a puzzled look on his face at Remus's words. "Thut's throng?" He didn't bother to put his tongue back in.

Remus tugged the other's arm away and took the knife out of his hand, placing it on the counter with a deep sigh. "I told you to never, ever try and make food from scratch. That's what magic is for. Do you remember what happened last time?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It wasn't that bad."

"You nearly sliced your tendon open, you prat!"

Remus looped his arms around the wizard's neck to tug at the ties holding the apron up. "I'm going to take care of this, you need to get out."

Sirius didn't budge, hands wrapping around the counter ledge when Remus tried to tug him away. "'fraid I can't do that Moony."

"Sirius..."

The man's dark eyes widened comically. "You don't understand. I tried very hard to make this with my own two hands, and you can't see it until I'm done."

"You almost licked a butcher knife! It's bloody sharp! You would've lost your bloody tongue!"

"How many times are you going to say bloody? It's really over the top-"

"Out!"

Sirius cringed and slunk out of the room, much like a beaten puppy, but Remus watched him with a stern glare until he was out into the hallway. Moments later, the bedroom door closed and Remus finally turned back to see what sort've mess Sirius had left him to clean up. For a moment, he could only stare, not quite sure what he was looking at.

Whip cream covered the top of what he assumed was cake. From the looks of it, it was at least an inch thick, and a further glance around the counter top showed three empty whip cream cans. Placed delicately all over the layer of whip cream were small pieces of chocolate, formed together to spell out _I Love You Remus! Happy 1 Year Ann-._ He assumed it was supposed to say anniversary, and he realized with a pang he had completely forgotten.

A month after they had finished their seventh year at Hogwarts, Sirius had shown up at his door on one knee with a single rose and asked for 'his hand in the most epic of loving relationships'. He had accepted and the wizard had promptly moved in with him. That very moment. It was obvious what Remus's answer was going to be, so he had brought his bags along with him. It would've been unexpected...but it was Sirius.

And now here they were. And Remus had gone off to his crappy job at the owlery that morning like nothing was different, hadn't even woken Sirius up to say goodbye.

As messy as the result was, Remus couldn't help but feel a little touched. Kicking off his shoes, he quietly padded down the hall to their shared bedroom, knocking on the door.

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah Moony?"

Remus leaned against the door. "Thank you. It looks wonderful."

"You're just saying that."

He could hear the pout in the other's voice, and he tried to handle to find it locked. There was no doubt in his mind that he could just unlock it with his wand, but he didn't want to cause anymore trouble. "No I'm not. I'm sorry I forgot. You...you want to come help me finish it?"

The door flew open and Remus tumbled into Sirius's grip. The man's teeth nipped as his ear as he spoke. "Does that mean you're letting me in the kitchen?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"You know...I think there's some more whip cream left. And I hadn't gotten to slicing up the strawberries yet."

"Do. Not. Ever. Pick up another knife," Remus bit out warningly.

Sirius's deep laugh rumbled against his ear. "But the whip cream?"

"...We'll see."


End file.
